Adoption Stories

Special Needs Adoption  - Case Study

Bo Ping Liu: The Story So Far….

I was lucky enough to be one of the 1st families to get referral through China’s online Special Needs Program. I was also the only single family to get referral & the only family at that stage to already have a child at home. Even now that Bo is safely entrenched in the family, the whole experience from referral onwards is very surreal. After 12 yrs of trying to adopt,  I still feel like I’m here with my son & daughter,  still waiting for the magic ’call’ after scouring Rumor Queen for any speck of news on referrals for years on end.

My son was born with a level 3 (a term not used in Australia) cleft lip & palate. He also had associated hearing loss. Hearing issues are quite common with cleft children as the cleft causes fluid to build up preventing the ear drum from moving. The majority of times it is very easily repaired with grommets. Some children require a few sets of grommets as they grow, just like many children without cleft issues. Some cleft children get recurrent ear infections & dribble but many, like my son, don’t. His lip was repaired by Smile Train in China but his palate was wide open.

My son was 27 months when he came home. Such a headstrong age for any child, let alone a child being uprooted from everything & everyone they’ve known. He was in a good orphanage & then later a foster home for 18 months. He had a degree of continuity & the opportunity to form attachments. I sent 2 care packages prior to travel.  The 1st one included a mini photo album of his new family, pets, house, rooms, garden etc. A Chinese friend labeled all the pictures so his foster family could relate them to him. This proved invaluable in his transition. The 2nd pack was sent 2 weeks prior to my arrival & included a gift for his foster family & was reminder to him that I was on my way. I also included disposable cameras & he really treasures the pictures from them. Each pack included a blanket as I didn’t expect to get everything back. He still sleeps & snuggles with his China blankets today & knows I got the postman to take them to him. When I met him I was handed a bag full of all the items I’d sent which was a pleasant surprise.

Back to the big trip. I took my children’s godfather with us so my daughter could have some time with him if she needed to get away.He was also a great pack horse & provided the muscle power to scoop my son up in his pram & ferry him across the notorious Chinese streets!! (we planned to get t shirts saying I crossed the street in China & survived!)On the way to China we had a brief stopover in Hong Kong & surprised my daughter with a visit to Disneyland. Huge start to her big adventure!

Finally in China & the big day came. We were with another family from Sweden. A single Mum with a grown daughter & 6yo daughter from China. Her new daughter was the same age & had the same medical condition as my son. She had had her lip & palate repaired in China & was from an English speaking foster home. The little girl was screaming & being held in someone’s arms as a pile of people entered the room. I scanned the door for my son but didn’t see him. I saw a group leaning down trying to direct a tiny little person toward my side of the room. He was calm yet a bit disoriented as there were so many people around him. My daughter knelt down between him & me & after a minute or so I gently lifted him onto my lap where I let him sit & survey the scene with his sister & I. He was holding a biscuit in 1 hand & a lolly in the other & was surprisingly a little chubby. When I picked him up my 1st thoughts were ‘ hmm, peaches’. Yes, those lovely cut out pants!! He let me put a nappy on him a short time later & after receiving my bag of goodies back I took out a toy car I’d sent him & let him hold it. I also got him to eat his biscuit. Major! I discovered he could easily drink from pop top bottles as his foster Mamma had included some plus his favorite biscuits in the bag.

I was lucky enough to be taken outside the room where I briefly met Bo’s foster mother. My friend took many wonderful photos & my son has seen 2 of his Mammas hugging, talking & smiling. Priceless! On the way out of the orphanage I was holding him & he looked over my shoulder & gave a shy smile to his new sister. By the time lunch came around he was letting me feed him. His feeding was so much easier than I anticipated. He ate virtually everything. Cleft children in orphanages often have a way of making what food they have get in. According to his CWI diary by a few months old he was wolfing down his formula. The guide even teased me that I’d need a 2nd job to pay for his food bills! 

After Bo had his afternoon nap we played with balls & bubbles & he relaxed so much that he let me blow raspberries on his tummy & do what I called Bo-ups. The next day he was feeding me & was launching on his sister! He was ‘in’. I bought an electronic voice translator to help my communications with him when needed as my mandarin is very basic. It was a savior! We had very few times where I couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. Distraction has also worked very well to avoid him getting frustrated.

I transitioned my sons new name. Bo’s orphanage given name is Ping Liu. He had only ever been called Liu Liu.  In his hometown I called him Liu Liu. When we moved to a new town I added the Bo (a Chinese name partly chosen as his town is on the Bohai gulf) & it became Bo Liu. I asked the guide to tell him his new name was Bo & the answer was the equivalent of ‘ well, der!, I already know that”.  Only back in Australia did I drop the Liu & call him Bo. I still call him Bo Liu at times & sometimes even Bo Ping Liu. He’s fine with all of it.

…Back to coming home.  Every hotel we stayed at he got stuck into everything & was a wild child (took some getting used to having an active boy around!). The minute we came home, he stood rooted to the spot & stared, taking everything in & noticing the pictures of him that I’d stuck around the house. His beloved Nei Nei (who he was totally obsessed with in his photo book) was waiting at home for us.  It took him time to process things & it was the quietest I’d seen him. Over the next few days I took him to visit our pets & slowly got them back into our house. Bo was extremely scared of dogs & cats in China & I had concerns. However within 3-4 days he was loving them & cuddling the dog who just adored having another small person to play with. He’s now a full on pet lover.

A few weeks home we went to the children’s hospital to meet some of his specialists. I had booked the appointments the minute I knew  when we’d be travelling to China as there is a long wait to see specialists . The pediatrician was surprised at how attached he already was & how amazingly bright he is (‘willing to think’ was written on his China papers. He was also said to be ‘outroverted’!). The surgeon said he’d had a very good lip repair done in China & that his palate surgery would be in another 8-9 months. Hearing tests were done another day & it was recommended for him to wear a headband style hearing aid (like that ever stayed on!! It was amazing though & his face lit up the millisecond it was put on & worked).I contacted the client liaison person at the hospital & presented a letter pleading my sons case for surgery to be sooner. Luckily 3 12/ months after coming home & on his 31 month b’day he finally got his palate & full hearing & hasn’t looked back.  We spent 4 days in hospital as Bo spiked a fever 30 mins before surgery & got the flu. His post op nursing care was easy & straight forward. Getting the meds in was a challenge but in the end I used a syringe (initially filled with cordial to get him used to it) & then he gave the medicine to himself. Pre travel my biggest concern as not being able to understand him but that has never been an issue. It’s amazing how parents just click in on their children’s wavelength.

Approx 6 weeks post surgery Bo was able to drink from a straw & 5 months later on his 3rd birthday one of my biggest hopes came true when he blew the candles out with gusto on his 1st ever birthday cake! Major achievements.

We now have the normal 6 month dental check ups & 1 final hearing test (which we all expect to be fine) & we’ve finished with the ENT dept. He has regular sessions with a speech therapist who comes to our home, & that’s all. I suspect he may need further plate surgery & then a few years later a bone graft & a few years after that nose & lip revision etc. After the initial round of doctors for testing it is literally a few years between procedures to give his mouth time to grow & adjust.

At the age of 3 Bo was tested for his speech & he is at the normal level for an Australian born & raised child his age. In some areas he’s advanced & is at the abilities of a 5-5 ½ yo!! That presents it’s own sets of challenges!

My daughter LOVES having her much yearned for sibling, even though he does annoy her & they bicker like most siblings do at times. She dotes on him & calls him ‘my little cutie’ daily.  My daughter has been an integral part of sharing all the 1sts Bo’s had including 1st time to the park, at the beach, in a jumping castle etc…Her grades have remained high & she was made school house captain in Grade 6 & is presently at high school.

Bo started kinda just 6 weeks under being home for 1 year. He was the youngest in his class, but it’s only 2 x 2.5 hrs a week & his speech & social skills powered ahead amazing everyone who knows him. I have found the challenges of raising a headstrong boy ( I’ve had zero experiences looking after boys prior to my son) ,toddler &  adoption  issues to far outweigh the physical issues which are really non issues in our case.

I love having a fuller family .My only disappointment is that I haven’t lost even a kilo after all the running around I do after my son! With Bo now at school I keep on top of many things including a business I run from home. I have also managed to maintain & grow an Australian special needs support group I established for people researching, waiting for referral & at home with their adopted child with special needs from any country. It is a huge success with many & varied members with a wealth of experiences.

There is so much I can share about cleft children & toddler adoption. If anyone would like advice, I am happy to help.  As families receiving referral through Chinas special needs program mostly travel without other families it is good to be in touch with others who have been through the same experiences as you are about to embark on.  I can be contacted via the SNAA - Special Needs Adoption Australia Yahoo Group or FaceBook page  which is a smaller version of the Yahoo group but without the private chatroom.

I also recommend parents of cleft children to join CleftPals if their state has one.  CleftPals Victoria is also on Facebook & people from all states can join. Families there are amazingly supportive & helpful.

Deb B.